Trouble-shooting Avoidance in ADHD
Do you notice yourself moving certain items on your to do list to the very bottom of the list each time they reach the top of it? Do you ever find it getting in your way of accomplishing a goal or functioning in your day to day life? Ever wish you could do without the constant nagging in your head that the task isn’t completed?
Acknowledge it’s happening: If the part of you that is ignoring this task had a color, shape, texture, temperature, and location in relation to your physical body, what would they be? Draw your answers out so you can see all its physical properties at once.
Ask how the behavior is serving you: Now that you can see a physical representation of this part of you, ask that part, “Assuming you are working for my good, what is your specific motive in helping me out by this behavior?” Ex: it could be preserving your energy, it could be advocating for you to actually enjoy what you do, it could be making sure your brain is adequately stimulated while you’re doing the task, etc.
Thank the behavior for advocating on your behalf: No matter the outcome of the behavior, the motive of the behavior is worthy of gratitude. For example, your kids might have a motive of showing you just how much they love you, which is a wonderful motive, but the way they choose to show it (perhaps by painting your bedroom walls with a huge heart) might be a total different story. Nevertheless, their motive is worthy of praise just as much as their way of showing it is worthy of some redirection.
Offer that part of you a break: Validate how hard that part of you has been working as well as its grave need for some rest and relaxation. Ask it where it would love to take a vacation if it could go anywhere in the world. Ask it what it would see, hear, do, smell, feel on its skin, and taste on this vacation. This way, the intensity of behavior is likely to calm, allowing you to return to your logical front brain thinking about the situation.
Brainstorm choices of meeting the concern: Return to the behavior’s valid concern and brainstorm ways to meet that valid concern while also addressing the task that needs to get done. Ex: Maybe the concern was for you to do things you actually enjoy. In this case, maybe you make a list of things that are either neutral or enjoyable about the experience or things you could add to the experience to make it more enjoyable. Maybe you listen to a fun podcast or an interesting audible book while you do the task of cleaning your room or sip your favorite coffee after each section of the task.
Consider all other choices possible about doing this task: Time of day, setting- outside, inside, screened in porch, scents, sounds, sights, temperature, what you wear, the order of sections you tackle from first to last, the timing between each task, accountability from others, rewards for completing each section, the challenge of balancing on one leg while doing the task, etc. Challenge yourself to list at least 20 different choices you can give yourself regarding this task and see how differently it seems afterwards.
To wrap up, Some tasks in this world just seem totally revolting at first glance, but after reviewing the above tips, you have hopefully learned some creative ways of doing the task in a way that makes it your very own, so that you are no longer just getting an unavoidable task out of the way, but you’re able to express your unique self while doing it. Look out everyone, the ADHDers are rising up with a comeback, soaring higher than anyone thought possible!