Is my work working for me? A good, compassionate, look in the mirror
In theory, when there’s a potential problem, we can name the problem, the needed adjustment, and our chosen method of making that adjustment, which helps make a workable action plan and poof!! The problem should immediately disappear! However, in this real world we live in, there are a lot of factors that are totally unforeseen until we ask ourselves “is this action plan something I can put in place in the here and now?”. A lot of time, the answer to that question is “no”. Sometimes, the reason has to do with factors that are out of our control, which we addressed in the previous blog. But, sometimes the barrier is coming from some unrecognized factor on the inside of us, which is what we will tackle today. In this case, how do we recognize the barrier is, in fact, coming from inside us, and how does the problem solving process differ from that of an external barrier?
Four tipped Internal barrier work around
Consistent reflection margin: Establish a safe, quiet, intentionally reserved 30 minute to one hour pocket of time per week, solely to yourself for open ended reflection on how work life is actually working for you here and now. Make sure to eliminate any potential interruptions including putting your phone on silent or vibration mode, turn off all non essential notifications, close the door, make sure you have all needed supplies and that you empty your bladder right before this session. Make sure to mark this slot as a standing appointment with yourself. You wouldn’t stand a friend or coworker up, so why would you treat your own self any differently?
Permission for honesty: Unlike external barriers, internal barriers can be slightly more difficult to fully admit due to our tendency to defend ourselves against any blame or fault. In light of this, it's important for us to come to the question of internal barriers with a clear intent of self-compassion and a focus on solution rather than a blame game. We all have our strengths along with things we are working on, which is what keeps life interesting. The more honest and vulnerable we are with our own selves, the more meaning and helpful messages we can glean and the closer we can come to the most workable solution. This also give us the most freedom to be curious about what might work better. Also, remember that, unlike external barriers, we have much more leverage of control over a beneficial outcome, because the one thing we have one hundred percent control over is ourselves.
Allow the question: So, ask yourself “Is something inside you preventing you from making needed changes? If so, what is/are your specific internal barrier/s? Examples might be: shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear, family tapes, internalized cultural messages, feeling incompetent, fear of conflict, fear of overwhelm, or anything else that may present itself as an answer. No matter what the answer is, know that there is a beginning, middle, and end to each uncomfortable feeling about that answer and that there are resources out there to help you navigate the journey to resolution. You don’t have to keep suffering alone.
Action Plan: Based on your answer to the above question, what seems like the best route of solution? Examples might be getting professional coaching on a specific skill, seeking a counselor to bring your issue to, or talking to a trusted friend or partner about what you’re experiencing.
To wrap up, recognizing and owning your own resistance to a needed change can be difficult and very personally challenging. Hopefully, the above tips have revealed a self-compassionate,supportive, and hopeful way of examining yourself truthfully as a means to a better work future for you and all who have the benefit of receiving the best of what you already have to offer this world.