Managing Emotions: Part 1 of 3: Anger

One thing that us ADHDers are no stranger to is big emotions.  We hardly ever need to look very far before an intense emotion is undeniably staring us in the face.  The more challenging part of the management process tends to be, “What do I do with this monstrosity of emotion I’m experiencing?” Am I right? Three huge emotions we tend to experience are anger, depression, and anxiety.  Sense anger tends to be the most in your face and outer emotion that often guards other emotions that are more vulnerable, lets start on this one first and follow with anxiety and depression after that.  

Anger.  It can pop out of nowhere and seemingly for no reason at times.  It can be the tension ripping through your body, the guttural in your roar, and the force behind your punch or kick.  The absoluteness in your vision of red, and the violence in your wish on others or yourself.  Wow! Is it powerful at getting our attention! 

6 steps around the anger toward forward function.

Allow it: Give yourself permission to feel the way you feel.  Know that it is independent of any behavior you might be tempted to do.  Knowing the anger is also independent from your conscious choice and your core identity. Allow yourself to experience it however it presents itself, and give yourself plenty of time and space away from others to observe it openly.

Symbolize it: Give it a color, shape, texture, temperature, and location within your vicinity.  Draw this out or envision it as clearly as possible.  Sometimes giving your body an outlet for moving excess energy while you do this activity can help the thinking go smoother.  This could look like taking a walk outdoors, balancing on one foot, and or dancing to your favorite song.

Ask the motiver: Ask your vision of this part of you what it is trying to do for you, independently of how it is tempted to show itself,  and truly listen.

Thank it: Offer the anger gratitude for this specific motive and for showing up in this specific situation.  

Invite it on vacation: Ask yourself if the anger might be working too hard on your behalf and if so, ask it where it would love to go on a vacation.  Ask it all the senses it would experience on this vacation and stay with these sensations for as long as needed.

Address valid concerns: Then, return to the original motivation, which is probably valid. Challenge yourself to come up with at least five different respectful and functional ways to address these concerns that would be beneficial for your own self but also for all others involved in the situation. Then, choose the best option out of the five and proceed with following through. 

In conclusion, emotions in us ADHDers often seem like wild beasts that are by definition out of our control.  However, after reading the above tips you hopefully know a formula that's enough off the beaten path that it might lead most efficiently of all back to a validating but also functional and emotionally managed forward motion.