Managing Emotions: Part 2 of 3: Working Worry for Good
One thing that us ADHDers are no stranger to is big emotions. We hardly ever need to look far before an intense emotion is undeniably staring us in the face. The more challenging part of the management process tends to be, “What do I do with this monstrosity of emotion I’m experiencing?” Am I right? Three huge emotions we tend to experience are anger, anxiety, and depression. If you missed last time about anger, feel free to back up a blog to catch up. This time, we’re talking about managing worry.
Anxiety in ADHD is pretty similar to how it presents elsewhere, except we’re prone to a specific anxiety called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception and or direct experience of being criticized or rejected by others or by not living up to your own very high expectations. It can catch like a raging fire, roaring out of control and taking over every aspect of our experience if left unchecked. So let’s look at tips on how to keep it checked!!
Eight tips on working worry for good
Describe it: List symptoms you personally experience when anxious and or experiencing RSD.
This may be a fast heart rate, a sudden shift in body temperature, feeling jittery on the inside, intrusive thoughts about others rejecting, talking about you behind your back, or calling you names, constant replays in your mind of specific behaviors you may or may not have displayed that may or may not have turned others off, future tripping about horrible outcomes as a result, feeling totally hijacked by these worries, and/or intense physical pain in your gut or heart when having these images.
Symbolize it: Assign your experience of the anxiety physical characteristics you can represent outside of yourself including a specific color, shape, texture, temperature, smell, and or vicinity in relation to your physical body. Whatever comes to your mind first is correct. Draw out, or deliberately imagine in your mind’s eye, your answers into one complete representation of your anxiety. Sometimes it helps to move while you’re thinking ie. take a walk, bounce your feet, toss a ball in the air, balance on one foot, tap your toe. You can even think of a movement or gesture that symbolizes anxiety in your mind.
Name and Tame it: When you notice the physical symptoms, in the moment, name it and immediately change your scenery ie, get outside if you can. Allow your body any release of energy such as a walk, pushing on a sturdy wall as hard as you can, hitting something soft, throwing a ball, lifting heavy objects.. Whatever it needs, that is safe for you, the object, others, and the environment.
Consider the motive: Once your body gets the release it needs, pause and consider, based on the specific situation and assuming it is showing up for your good, the specific outcome the anxiety is trying to produce to help you out. Then, let it know you understand what it is trying to do and that you appreciate its intention. This could look like writing it a letter, speaking words, or offering it a gesture. Example motives might be: to help you connect with others, help you improve your skills, to provide emotional security, to protect you from harm.
Invite it to relax: Ask yourself if it’s possibly working too hard, and if so, invite it on a vacation. Think of the specific senses that would be present on this specific vacation and stay here as long as the anxiety needs in order to return to a logical frame of mind.
Functionalize the motive: Return to Anxiety’s valid motive and or valid need for showing up in this situation, and consider your current sphere of control, given your specific situation. Within that sphere, try to name at least five different functional choices you have within your own self of addressing that specific concern. Ex: Motive was connecting with others. Control- I can’t control others’ engagement with me, but I can control my words, behaviors, and amount of invitation I offer others. Choices: I can use words, Choose to offer my own self acceptance, focus on my strengths, Spend my time moving my body which keeps me present, Invite several rather than just one person.
Address the what-ifs: You can also try listing all the what-if situations that are presenting themselves in your mind, name the worst case scenario you are worried about happening. Ask yourself how you would love to respond if that actually did happen and imagine the favored response playing out. Feel free to do this with each what-if too.
Lean into the lesson: Also, try thinking of a lesson you could possibly put forward in the future to prevent the incident from happening in the future and imagine yourself playing out that lesson in a similar future situation. Stay here with the lesson as long as you need, noticing any shift in tension, ease of breath, change of body temperature ect. Fully enjoy each ounce of relief you experience.
To wrap up, anxiety can seem so elusive, unpredictable, and arresting, especially for us ADHDers. However, after reviewing the above tips, you hopefully have some ideas of how to both validate and leverage that energy toward functioning better than ever in the future.