Navigating ADHD Conflict: The Sx2Tx2AR Method
Are you ever surprised by others telling you something you’re doing, that you might not even realize you’re doing, is getting on their nerves? We, as ADHDers, have busy minds and bodies that are soothed by repetitive movements or sounds as outlets for the extra energy that often needs to be filtered so we can do our best functioning. It might be humming, tapping our feet, or clicking a pen, among many other possibilities. Sometimes the noise from our creative filtering keeps others from functioning their best, which often leads to us getting a request to stop whatever we’re doing. How do we even get past the awkward part of this situation, much less find a viable solution to the problem?
Sx2Tx2AR method to navigating ADHD conflict
Situation, not Person: Just because a conflict happens between you and someone else, it says absolutely nothing about you as a person. The situation is totally independent of your worth as a human being. The fact that you are here on earth is proof that you have a very valid reason for being here and that you belong just as you are, no matter the situation.
Stop: Allow yourself a break from regularly scheduled events after receiving the feedback before responding. This may look like stepping out of the room, taking a walk outside, or a drive in the car. As long as you’re in a space where you feel safe and free to think for yourself.
Think motive: Did you even notice at the time you were doing the thing? If not, take that as extra confirmation that your intentions were not of ill intent. What might your body have been trying to get out of that specific behavior? Hint: a lot of times, its to filter extra energy or capture specific ideas before they race out of your mind never to be heard from again.
Think alternative: Take the motive you came up with and brainstorm different ways you can achieve that motive that would be less intrusive to others. For example, swing rather than tap your foot to make less noise, have a stress ball to squeeze rather than clicking a pen, take intentional motor breaks outside away from others throughout the day, or write or draw ideas as they come so you know where to find them after others are finished talking.
Act: Once you pick the best option out of your brainstorming, try it out in real time as an alternative over a period of several days to a week.
Reflect: Take time to yourself after acting out your best idea to see how your alternative worked. Did it serve the original motive? Did others respond differently? If a conflict still continues, consider yourself one more step closer to what does work because you are weeding your way there one try at a time. You can always start over with more brainstorming, incorporating the parts from the last trial that did work, pick the best looking idea, and act it out to see what happens. Feel free to post a star in a central place within the environment you're working with the conflict to remind you to keep problem solving toward the solution.
To wrap up, it's never comfortable and sometimes even debilitating to be confronted by others about something you may or may not even know that you’re doing. However, the above tips hopefully opened your eyes to options you actually do have not only out of the moment of conflict but also around and to a better reality for both you and others on the other side of it.