ADHD Phone Phobia
Do you ever find yourself avoiding phone conversations like the plague or an ever increasing heart rate with each minute an anticipated phone call approaches? Your worst fears may be trouble hearing or focusing on what the other person says, being asked to speak up, not having the words you want to say when you need them, not knowing whose turn it is to speak, or feeling trapped into committing to something you don’t really want to do. In any of these situations, it's easy for the fear of rejection to rear its ugly head and threaten to swallow you whole. In situations where phone calls are unavoidable, what are the work-arounds to help us keep our cool and put our best foot forward?
Six tips for unavoidable phone calls
Grace for your future self: Go ahead and give your future self grace for any mistakes that may happen during the call. Promise your future self that if something goes unexpectedly haywire, that you will still be just as worthy of compassion, respect, and love as you are before the call and that whatever went amiss can always provide a lesson to put to the future so that you improve no matter how the call goes. Finally, the thing that ultimately makes the difference to others in the case of an obviously unintended mistake is the way you respond to the situation, rather than the situation itself. So, consider loving your own self no matter what.
Create a script: Take advantage of time without the pressure of being on the spot to write down words you want to use during the call. A great template is Greeting, Main points/questions, and a Farewell. Practice the three sections with a friend or out loud to yourself and have the script in front of you during the call. Depending on how mandatory the phone call is, you can use this script in an email or call during off hours so you can leave a message rather than talking in real time to others.
Pick your space: Think about the space with the least probability of interruption or noise disturbance that you would love to be for the conversation. Allow yourself to be mindful of the senses that would be most productive for the call. For example: touch such as indoor/outdoor, texture of your clothes, seating, fidget toys, or temperature, taste such as tea or coffee, smell such as a diffuser or essential oils, sight such as looking out a window, at a plain wall, or at a calming painting. It might be helpful to write, either below your script or on a 2nd piece of paper that's stapled/paper clipped to it, a section labeled questions you want to ask and/or new information with space for you to fill during the call. Feel free to write these down as soon as they’re provided. The act of writing actually helps you remember, keeps your brain stimulated and engaged with the content, and helps you record the information for later use.
Tabling is okay: Give yourself permission to set aside any unexpected and unprocessed decisions you may be presented with until another day and time so you can do that in an unpressured space. So,add a section to your extra paper space labeled tabled decisions along with two different later days and times you're available for a follow up call specifically about your tabled topics. You can also offer to email your later response if neither options work.
Unexpected Calls: Once you have a system for handling phone calls carved out, all you have to do with unexpected calls is ask to call them right back and take that moment to prepare your script, get to a quiet place, and gather your note taking materials before you call them back.
To wrap up, phone calls, for us ADHDers, have the potential to be alarming and triggering things. However, the above tips have hopefully peaked your interest, sense of agency, and perhaps an increased chance of helpful function when it comes to unavoidable phone calls.