Surviving Large Obligatory Get togethers:
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a group gathering and you notice all other participants are happily small-talking away with other people, and you are the only odd person out with no one to converse with? Has just the realization of the specific dynamic ever arrested you with anxiety to the point that if anyone did try to start a conversation with you, you would be so consumed within your downward cycle of anxiety, that you would have nothing of value to contribute to the conversation? If so, how do we attend obligatory group gatherings and survive them without fear of being stuck in this kind of moment?
Six tips on surviving obligatory get-togethers
Gather the info: Get a list of the names and interests of intended guests, the dress code, and the date and time for the get-together. Put this information in whatever form is most digestible for your brain, such as written, voice recorded, textured, drawn, different body poses or stances. Add colors, specific pitches, or images to each item on the list so that it stands out uniquely in your brain, from other details on the list.
Actively prepare: Once the information is adequately digested in your brain, actively make preparations for each. For example, lay out a specific outfit that fits the dress code, print out a map or practice driving to the specific location before the day of the event, write the day and time on your calendar/and or set an alarm, making sure to double check the day and time, and write out scripts you can say to specific people. For example, write out a greeting and parting phrase you can say to the host as well as specific deeper conversational questions you can ask each person on the guest list that pertains to that specific person so you can skip the small talk, if that’s not your thing, despite the stress of being in a group context and or under the gun.
Brush up on current events: This does not have to be a big endeavor. Maybe just skim the headlines in the most available new source or listen to a flash version of audible news the day of the get together. This way you’ll have somewhat of an idea about things that are happening around the world, in case people are talking about that sort of thing.
Practice scripts: Review your individualized scripts for each person a couple times, just to get them solidified in your mind. You can also come up with and practice four different questions that could pertain to anyone there, such as “how do you know the host? Is this your first time at this sort of event, or are you old hat at this type of thing? You could also ask about something within the environment you might both be experiencing at the same time, like something you both can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste.
Watch and listen: During the get-together, watch to see if you can find a hidden code in the way most people are acting and what they are saying. See how many themes you can notice between at least two or three different people. How are they entering into conversations, keeping the conversation going, and breaking off the conversations? Also, feel free to take a break from conversations and fully engage in watching, becoming curious about people from afar. What do you notice in general about any individual or group of people within the event itself? Also feel free to find some fresh air and solitude for a few minutes until your nervous system is regulated before you return to the gathering.
Watch your watch: Pay attention to how much eye contact each speaker within a conversation is making toward the rest of the group and about how long each person talks at one time. Let the average of these two be a guide for your own eye contact and time speaking.
To wrap up, larger and obligatory get-togethers can be long, over/under stimulating, and not so much fun for us ADHDers. However, today’s tips have hopefully given you some novel ideas and choices for keeping your mind stimulated and body grounded during breaks from conversations and armed with conversation starters/deepeners in just the appropriate places when you’re ready to jump back in there.