Updated ADHD: From the inside out: Holiday Gifts for the Scattered woman

Last time, we covered updated research on ADHD and an outsider’s view of how it could affect grown women.  But, if you’re still on the fence about how much the updated characteristics really resonate with your own life experience, perhaps examples of the characteristics from the inside a female’s life as she knows it could help you decide for sure.  If this ends up helping you fully resonate with updated ADHD, could the characteristics serve anything other than a focus on your life’s plethora for struggles and dysfunction? Could actually serve as the explanation, validation, and redemption you’ve been craving most of your life?  

2 Explanations, 2 Validations, and 2 points of redemption for scattered women

Explanation: 

Weak stop sign: Think about it, sitting in class/at her work desk, trying to juggle several different concerns including her relationships with others/husband, kids, and girlfriends, having the appropriate attire for dance/yoga class later today, on top of performing well on her test/report she is currently being distracted from by all the earlier details.

Sensitive Nervous system: Noticing any lack of progress or perceived mistake in any one of the subjects racing through her mind are liable to hijack her nervous system to experiencing anywhere from intense annoyance to a state of shock mixed with self-loathing, all of which  is completely capable of hold her functioning hostage at the drop of a hat and until the issue is resolved or she’s emotionally exhausted.  

In addition to being at the mercy of perceived mistakes, she is also susceptible to any change in her environment, no matter how slight.  For example, changes in body language, such as silent pouting from either a coworker or a classmate, a sudden cool breeze from an open window, or the lingering smell of her teacher’s or boss’s morning smoke as he or she looks at a document over her shoulder to provide assistance.   Any of these are just as likely to distract her from focusing and performing at her best.

Validation:

Sting of Rejection:  Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria’s effect on the female makes so much sense.  Picture it, being a female, she’s already encouraged and likely have a predisposition toward valuing relationships. Her added sensitive nervous system further intensifies her emotions and response to outside expectations such as class rules, policies and procedures, and any degree of conflict.  In fact she’s often sent  into near panic at the mere lack of response from her boss,  teacher, classmate, or coworker when she greets them in the hallway.  Others' impressions easily become the most important feat in life, even above her own self-worth. 

Repeated Panic: Looking back on her life, she remembers the following experience happening countless times within a single year.  She’s totally confused but has no knowledge of or motivation to use assertive words for help. The risk of rejection or being labeled Stupid by peers or teachers is just too high for her to take action on behalf of her own self. She is viscerally aware of her isolation in the midst of self-loathing shock.  Still, her steadfast commitment to flying under the radar keeps her trapped in nightmarish reality behind her precious people pleasing mask instead of acting out “bad boys or tough guys” to get someone, anyone’s attention. The repeated debilitation from each experience has led to a lifetime of sensing guilt, self-doubt, and blanket inadequacy.  

Redemption:

New identity: Naming, and looking underneath the above characteristics as if they’re a mask you’ve unknowingly been wearing most of your life could be terrifying.  But, it also could mean discovering a fresh self-concept you’ve never considered.  It could mean a whole new identity unique to exactly who you are.  It could be your invitation to positively stand out from others with a flare that is all your own.  It could be your moment to embody that unique beauty by just relaxing into the freedom of `your own skin that only exists outside the box of people-pleasing. 

Hope for function:  ADHD characteristics only become dysfunctional in day to day life and, therefore, considered a disorder,  when innate sensitivities included in ADHD are internalized as unacceptable and when room for improvement is perceived as permanent. The good news is the ADHD brain is 100% capable of  improved mental and emotional functioning, no matter the age or lack of development.

To wrap up, if you resonate with these characteristics and the emotional turmoil they’re capable of producing, the first step toward relief from a lifetime of self-doubt is owning them while knowing there are two sides to this coin.  Only when you admit and come to grips with your personal experience of ADHD struggles, can you also discover the incredible, unique strengths that lie underneath them.  Only then can you internalize the truth that identifying as ADHD is not cause for punitive judgment any more than seasonal allergies are grounds for immediate failure in school or being fired from your job.   Stay tuned for next time on the superpowers of ADHD.