Are the ups worth the downs: Part 3: What’s the plan?
Last time, we discussed how temporarily taking on another person’s perspective can lead directly to the most probable reason and most promising replacements for their disruptive behavior as well as specific adjustments needed for the replacement to become reality. Once we know all this information, how do we decide if and to what degree we’re up for helping them make the adjustment.
6 steps to constructing a solid game plan
Name your own daily responsibilities : What are your non negotiable daily/weekly responsibilities?
Ex: I have a full time job, a marriage, a house, and a family to maintain.
Name your fuel: list the activities that fuel you with needed energy for these responsibilities.
Ex: I need my morning quiet time and my afternoon walk to fuel me.
What’s left over? Outside the time and energy blocks for your responsibilities and the activities that fuel those responsibilities, how much of your time and effort can you reasonably devote to helping this replacement become a reality?
Ex: out of all the needed adjustments: His admission he needs help, time to research therapists, finding financial resources and workable times for recurring sessions, transportation/internet to access sessions, accountability, moral support, and my friend being open and ready for change…..
I could devote two hours on Friday afternoons to help him research therapists, and I’m willing to check in one evening a week from 6 to 7 to ask him if he is consistently getting to therapy and serve as a soundboard for anything if needed.
Set your expectations of them. How much of the adjustment would need to be solely up to them? What specific expectations and within what time period would need to be met to functionally support your continued friendship?
EX: They would need to admit they need help, voluntarily contact a therapist and attend regular sessions, and inform me at least 24 hours in advance when interactions with Mother are going to take place and how much time they will need afterwards without at least touching base, and follow through with that plan.
Consequence if not met: If this person does not meet this specific expectation, what adjustment of relationship would be needed to ensure yourself a functional social environment?
Ex: I would need to stop initiating interaction with this person and reserve the right to decline any interactions he might initiate.
Make your back up plan: Think about the benefits the relationship is yielding for you and brainstorm other ways to meet those needs.
Ex: I would miss this friend’s sense of humor, their emotional support, and their company.
I would brainstorm a list of other friends or acquaintances that have those characteristics and invite those people to do more activities. I could possibly start attending groups that cater to my interests where I could meet even more people with these characteristics.
To wrap up, considering your own personal responsibilities and your needed time for feuling them helps you realistically narrow down how much time and energy you actually have to put toward helping your friend. Also, considering your specific bare minimum needs and how to adjust if necessary ensures yourself a functional social environment, independent of others’ choices. This leaves you feeling confident about your own future while simultaneously challenging your friend to grow and making sure you give the relationship as much chance as possible.
Please let me know your thoughts. The link below will take you to the blog where you may leave me a comment at the bottom of the page.
https://www.flowingfountainlpcs.com/blog/are-the-ups-worth-the-downs-part-3-whats-the-plan
Feel free to sign up for my newsletter by clicking the link below. https://www.flowingfountainlpcs.com
Click the link to see all my blogs > https://www.flowingfountainlpcs.com/blog
Please checkout my latest YouTube on other great topics at the link below.