The Boundary’s Wake: Standing Alone in your Truth
We’ve recently discussed the process of discerning your own relational needs and communicating them in an honest and kind way, leaving the other person with a choice to meet your needs or not. This sounds wonderful in theory, but what if they actually choose to not meet the expectations and consequently become part of your past rather than your present? Does the emotional pain from that, no matter how temporary, make us irrational, weak, or unworthy of respect? How are we supposed to stand in our truth when the pain of being disregarded or passed over is currently overwhelming to our core?
Six Tips for persistence when standing alone in your truth.
The pain is valid: Know that the pain you feel is valid. Everyone, no matter who it is, has qualities that are truly wonderful. So, go ahead and make a list of all the things you miss about this person and give each characteristic the time and space for honor, gratefulness, and compassion it deserves.
Pain is temporary:Each feeling is a visitor rather than a full time resident. There is a beginning, a middle, and an end to each feeling. It often feels in the middle of your pain, that the end will never come. However, uncomfortable feelings alone can not physically harm you, and your feet will eventually find the ground again, once this current wave of grief rolls into the shore.
It has a message:If the pain was a helpful messenger, what would be its specific intention in showing up? What would it ask for? How could you meet this need within yourself?
Chance to discover your strength: This is your moment to be your own first and foremost protector and provider. A chance for you to meet your own needs, which increases your trust in your own self.
An invite to available resources: Once you have practiced meeting your own needs, you are more informed of what, if anything, is left over to be met elsewhere. Add these left over needs to expectations you are looking for in others. Who within your existing group of friends could better meet each need?
Bask in your self-provided freedom: Revisit your original expectations that spurred this person to let go of you. Spend time with each one, leaning into the relief, safety, and freedom you’ve now provided for your own self through setting keeping each expectation. Bask in gratefulness for each one of them. Feel free to day dream about putting your newly liberated time and energy toward making the expectations an even bigger part of your life.
To wrap up, standing in your truth can be an excruciating experience. However, the above steps can help you reap and lean into the possible and available acceptance, validation, strength, and hope within the very thing you may fear the most.