Boundaries: Are the ups worth the downs? Part 1: There’s your trouble.
The last couple times, we covered how to flip your yuck into expectations for a yummy social environment. But, What if you’ve already set boundaries with expectations and you meet someone who fulfills and perhaps exceeds them but they have this one totally disruptive behavior that only comes out once in a while. How do you tell if the relationship is worth continuing or not? Well, first we have to name the problem.
Three steps toward naming the problem:
Name the pros: Make a list of all the things you appreciate about your relationship with this person.
For example: Sense of humor, engaging, affectionate, uplifting
Name the cons and collisions. Name the unwanted behavior: Make a list of all the secondary effects from the behavior that negatively affect your relationship with this person. If the behavior isn’t obvious, you might want to start with the collisions first and then name the behaviors that lead to the collisions.
For example: periods of unresponsiveness result in worry, loneliness, and self-`doubt
Put it all together and add feelings : Name the resulting feelings from both the pros and cons in an I statement.
Ex: I feel happy and joyful when we laugh together, you ask me questions about my day, and when you hug me as soon as you see me. The only thing is, I feel worried, unsure, and alone when my messages to you go unanswered for 24 hours. .
To wrap up, now that we’ve clearly named the issue from our point of view, it will give us key information toward efficiently solving our problem. But, stay tuned for next time on gathering a little more information by considering the other party’s side of the story.
YouTube: Expectations as boundary:
Your gut is saying “No. Get away from this person.”, but your mind doesn’t have the words about exactly what went wrong. You also have this weird feeling of deja vu like you have been here and done this way too many times before. Watch this video on how to make sense of these experiences, stop attracting what doesn’t work, and start attracting people who actually help and compliment our true selves? Feel free to like, share, comment, and subscribe below with no strings attached. Most of all, enjoy!!
Please let me know your thoughts. The link below will take you to the blog where you may leave me a comment at the bottom of the page.
Feel free to sign up for my newsletter by clicking the link below. https://www.flowingfountainlpcs.com
Click the link to see all my blogs > https://www.flowingfountainlpcs.com/blog
Please checkout my latest YouTube on other great topics at the link below.