Boundaries as sweet as a fine chocolate
When most people hear the word “Boundary”, they probably associate it with uncomfortable feelings. For example, being angry that someone has crossed the boundary, dreading the other person’s response to the boundary, or avoiding the whole idea of setting the boundary in fear of rejection. The receiving end of a boundary could possibly be guilt, shame, and embarrassment for having crossed it in the first place and rejection for not being permitted within the boundary. But, is it possible for boundaries to have a different association such as neutral or even sweet? If so, how does that happen?
A boundary analogy for your sensual and relational satisfaction:
Picture a fine chocolate with a tough outer shell that supports the precious yummy chocolate gooeyness within. Without the strong, defined outer shell, the precious goo would run every which way, dissolving into clueless surfaces instead of onto our ever so grateful tongues.
Boundaries, like the tough outer shell, may be hard, fast, and defined- sharp, even, at times. However, once needs and most effective ways to meet each need are noticed, clearly communicated, and respected; appropriate and supportive space is held within these boundaries for the magical yummy goo of intimacy to take place.
Part of the boundary setter’s goo is agency in defining and enforcing their unique needs for a satisfying relationship, and part of the receiver’s goo is knowing what to expect from interactions, which helps him or her make informed decisions and develop trust.
As long as the roles of setter and receiver are reciprocally shared, a two way deliciousness is continually protected and preserved.
To wrap up, next time you notice a need for or find yourself on the receiving end of a boundary, pause to consider this delectable analogy. Perhaps, you will thank both the chocolate and boundary gods for such a beautiful life.
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