Boundary’s Wake : Favors of Furlough
Last time we covered possible positives for the boundary setter who endures the temporary discomfort of standing in their truth as they are passed over in the wake of setting a boundary. But, what about benefits for the receiver in this situation? Is that even possible? Is there any way to believe you loved and are continuing to love them well by setting and keeping your boundaries, even in their absence?
6 favors of furlough for the receiver.
Knowing their own values: Being given a choice and time to think before making the choice allows the receiver time away from your physical presence and any other social pressure they may be sensing to truly ask themselves what’s most important to them. They are given the gift of sinking into their own core truth, perhaps with a newfound sense of conscious and purposeful direction.
A deeper self-check: By setting a bar for them, you’re naming specific room for growth, which by its nature challenges them to spend time below their own surface actions at least enough to assess how important this particular kind of growth is to them. Either they end up bobbing back up with an answer of “nope” or they engage further with the challenge of diving deeper within themselves for whatever they need to meet the expectation.
Strength: A boundary also challenges them to build emotional muscle by enduring at least some discomfort, whether it is the discomfort of losing their current relationship with you or the discomfort of making effort to meet your set expectations.
Hope for Empowerment: By being consistent in your stance, you’re also setting an example that the delayed gratification, which in this case is of a functional social environment, is worth the temporary discomfort of losing current relationships. No matter if the receiver chooses to follow this example or not, you are planting the seed that enduring the current discomfort in favor of later but greater enjoyment is possible.
A planted seed: Even if the receiver decides not to rise to your challenge, the room for growth was noted and will probably be remembered, as it was presented with at least a degree of discomfort and consequence. It will probably remain in this person’s mind for years to come, acting as a choice for development if or when the receiver is ready.
Possibilities: The absence or decreased intensity of your relationship with this person creates a space of time and effort the receiver could put toward relationships or activities that might be a better genuine fit for who they truly are.
To wrap up, standing in your truth by letting go of relationships that are no longer within your boundaries can seem cruel and of no help to the person who is being let go. However, reviewing the above benefits just might convince the boundary setter that letting go is sometimes the most genuine and eventual well landing gesture of true love.
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