Formulating a well landing and honest response
Last time, we covered how Sensitive People (HSPs) can continue thinking clearly even in the face of dogma. Once we’ve gathered our honest thoughts, how do we give them order and tact so others hear and respect them as much as possible?
6 tips to ensure your honest opinion lands well
Find your ideal thinking conditions: Consider what conditions help you do your best thinking. Think about the specific noises,sights, smells, temperatures, and amount of time that help you do your best thinking.
For example: Quiet, out of sight and interaction with others, and several days to contemplate.
Find those ideal conditions for recording your answers to the following questions.
Reflect back what you heard, asking for confirmation:
Start by summing up the gist of the strong statement you heard being made. By asking if you heard them right, you are giving them some ownership in the conversation, admitting you may not be correct, and clarifying the actual issue.
Ex: What I heard you say is you’re tired of breathing second hand smoke as you enter the office building every day and that your solution is to ban all smoking within a mile radius of the building. Am I hearing you correctly?
Validate any thoughts and feelings: Even if you don’t feel the same way, letting the person know that you recognize their feelings and that you could logically see how they may feel this way, based on the circumstances they are facing can help put the person at ease and trust you have their best interest in mind. This way, their logical mind is more available and open to hearing what you have to say.
Ex: It sounds like walking by your smoking coworkers as you enter your place of work every day makes you feel forced to damage your lungs with second hand smoke in order to make a living. I can see how you could feel very annoyed and angry about this.
Write your thoughts and opinions on the subject: Tell them the parts you most agree with first, followed by your concerns about what they suggested.
Ex: I agree you should be able to enter your place of business without having to smell cigarette smoke. However, just like you want a choice to enter the building without being bombarded with smoke, the smokers would also like a choice to smoke within relative distance to their workplace without having to drive out of the way. I also would imagine these smokers may be perturbed by the inconvenience, which could create unnecessary hostility between you and your coworkers. Then, you wouldn’t be able to do your job as well as possible.
Consider possibilities that accommodate all concerns: Brainstorm different solutions that would be less invasive but also respectful and convenient enough for both parties.
Ex: I’ve thought about it and here is a way both concerns can be addressed within the same plan. What if we designate a specific smoking area that is far enough away from the main entrance that it won’t bother you when you enter?
Put it all together: Once you have your written answers, pick the best parts of each answer and write them down in order of reflecting, validating, agreements, concerns, and alternative options.
To wrap up, having any amount of disagreement with others can be intensely nerve wracking and awkward for Sensitive People. However, speaking your truth doesn’t have to be all or nothing or even offensive. The above tips can help you formulate an honest but compassionate and overall helpful response to even the most dogmatic opinions. Stay tuned for next time on managing angst while actually speaking your truth.
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