Managing Emotions: Part 3 of 3:
Do you ever find yourself with achingly low energy, low motivation, and sadness that seems to have a mind of its own? Perhaps you know what started it, perhaps you don’t have a clue. All you know is you’re on a spiral of unhelpful after unhelpful thought that seems to be never ending. How do we get off the not-so-merry go round?
Eight tips to sketch your smoothest street through sadness
You are not alone: Sadness and depression are tough, and you don’t have to do it alone. We all need support sometimes and that is okay. You can start with reaching out to trustworthy family members or friends, but there are also trained professionals out there who deal with this every day and are willing and even excited to help! Professional counselors are reachable by an online search for psychology today listings or betterhelp. If you feel tempted at all to hurt yourself or any one else, call National Suicide Hotline: 988 or text the Crisis Text Line: Text 741741 and in subject line type Home.
Check in on the inside: Once you notice a downward moving spiral of not so helpful thinking, low energy, or low motivation, check in with your body about what it might need. Consider changing your physical location from outside to inside, cooler or warmer temperature, or more or less movement. If you’re not moving at all, try doing slow but steady simple movements like rolling your wrists or ankles in rhythm with your inhales and exhales. You can also try taking a short walk or simple motor challenges like balancing on one foot while patting your head and rubbing your tummy, or see how many times you can toss and catch a ball in a row. Allow yourself credit for each shift you make, no matter how small or few, as long as you notice a shift in your physical comfort and or overall mood.
Validate and Normalize - Sadness is one emotion on a spectrum of emotions we all experience at one time or another and at some intensity. Its also a part of you and not your whole identity. It does not have to define you, and you are acceptable just the way you are, even when you are experiencing these feelings. There is a beginning, middle, and an end to every emotion including this one.
Characterize it- If it had a color, shape, texture, temperature, location within your vicinity, what would the answers be? Draw it out into one image.
Ask it what good it's doing for you- Every emotion, whether comfortable or uncomfortable, is working for our good. The outcome may not be pretty, but the motive behind the outcome is usually helpful in nature. Examples of motive for sadness could be “I’m advocating for your time and space to realize an unpleasant change, savor and appreciate the beauty of what was, and make a plan of how to bring as much of that beauty into your future in as functional a way as possible.” or “I’m advocating for you to ask for extra help with this adjustment period”. Or “I’m advocating for you to look for and notice the beauty around you because its looking pretty dark these days, and you are worthy of enjoying more light than this.”
Other imagery: If there was a speck of light on the canvas of an otherwise dark screen, what in your current life would represent that spec for you? What would need to happen for it to increase in both a figurative and a literal sense in your world? What is the first baby step you can take in that direction?
Flip it- Make a list of things that aren’t going well in your life, and ask yourself what your unhappiness with the situation is telling you that is important in your life. In other words, what is it inversely saying that is actually important to you? Perhaps a job that pays well and that you enjoy going to, friends who respect you, or an environment that is more pleasing to experience. Whatever the answer is, then ask yourself the first baby step in that direction and continue leaning toward it.
Grateful/success list- Make a goal of writing down at least three things you are grateful for in your life. You could start with something as small as having a tissue to blow your nose on, internet to access this article, or a bed to sleep on at night. Add at least three things per day and post the list in a strategic place for review each day, fully leaning into how much these are a blessing in your life. After a week of this, notice any shift on the inside concerning your general outlook on life as a result.
To wrap up, sadness can be one of the most dreaded emotions at first glance perhaps due to fear that the lack of umph behind the slow moving energy will consume you completely and forever. However, after reviewing these tips, you’ve hopefully learned that shifting our perspective can actually help us see how it’s working for our good and how it has the potential to lead us in even more positive and/or wiser directions than our original path.