Staying the Conversational Course
Do you ever find yourself in the middle of a conversation with someone you truly value but you have absolutely no idea what they just said? Its like your mind went on hiatus without any warning whatsoever and left you holding the bag like a deer in headlights. Hashtag- awkward!! Knowing that we can’t predict or completely prevent this from happening, how do we recover from this blunder with both our dignity and relationships intact?
Four tips for staying the conversational course
Name it: Consider unexpected detours like this as part of the sometimes amazing and sometimes challenging package of an ADHD brain. Know that it's a thing that may happen in the middle of any conversation, whether you’re talking with your own self or any number of people on the planet. Know also that it happens in complete independence from how much you value the topic or relationship involved.
Know your intentions are good: Know that the way your brain functions at any given moment is completely independent of your value as a whole person and the value of your core intentions. No matter how your brain decides to act in the moment, you are of infinite and irreplaceable value as evidenced by the fact that you are present on this earth. You have the power to accept yourself no matter what.
Be honest: You could decide to try to fake your way through the rest of the conversation, and you may get away with it just fine, but is the risk of being caught being less than truthful or less genuine than you really are more or less burdensome than just admitting what happened, clearing it up, and continuing with life? Honesty could even allow for more depth, intimacy, and perhaps much needed meaningful stimulation within your own self and with valued others.
Ex: “My brain just took an unexpected detour and I lost track of what we were talking about for a minute. I really want to hear what you just said. The last thing I remember you saying was … Can you please catch me up from there?”
Ask for what you need: Being honest not only frees you from the burden of pretending you are something that you aren’t. It also allows you the opportunity to ask your own self what is truly needed from here with open minded curiosity. Perhaps you might need the information in a different form such as written down or audio recorded so you can review the information at your own pace.
Ex: “ What you’re saying is really important to me, and I’m not as good at listening to spoken words. Would you mind sending it to me in written form so I can fully get what you’re saying?”
To wrap up, losing track of a one on one conversation has potential to not only be mortifying but to threaten even your most treasured relationships. The tips above have hopefully convinced you that it's not the blunders themselves but our reaction to them that has the biggest impression on the amount of emotional and relational impact they actually make. In other words, we have a lot more choice than we give ourselves credit for about the parts that actually matter. Choosing grace and honesty with both ourselves and others makes a world of difference in our ability to bounce back from unexpected mis-steps.